Still working out. I swear, as much as I try to eat, I don't mass gain much. And because of that, it is very hard to get muscles. I'm skinny, yes my muscles will be defined. But I want to grow bigger, not more defined. AndI I need to buy a pair of dumbbells soon. I only have one 7kg dumbbell and another 3kg one. I cannot do chest flyes and everything that requires a pair of dumbbells. I.need.to.get.my.chest.bigger. Bigger boobies = naise.

On to brighter things in life! Today was a drag. Woke up for madrasah, went for it, had thosai for my breakfast, then back home and out of home again in 30 minutes to go to David Ho's house for our OP video. The video-making was epic. Some parts, we kept laughing and laughing though there was nothing to laugh about. I can't really stand my laughter at times. What can I say, Imma joyful boy. :D But we managed to complete it. WOO! I think it was pretty good. If I get the final edited version, I'll post it up once I'm done with my OP. I think we finished at around 5? I then made my way back homeeeee. Reached home, worked out and bathed and then now I'm practising my script for OP. Life sucks. HAHA. I think tmr after OP prep, I'm going to Bedok gym to get hold of the bench press and pec fly. I don't know, but I kind of like the feeling of aching muscles after a good workout. o.o

I'm getting sleepy. Memorise, and then sleep. Yay!
Vicky!

How unexpected life can be.

Allah, truly the one who decides all. It was more like yesterday she was well, working tirelessly for us, preparing meals, cleaning the house, taking care of my siblings. It was more like yesterday she picked me up from primary school, riding the bicycle and getting lost in an unknown part of Tampines. It was more like yesterday I joked around with her, laughing along.

She was more like family after those 9 years working for us. She did her work without much complains, she took care of my brother as well as she could. 9 years. 9 years she cooked delicious food. 9 years she cleaned every corner or my house. 9 years she would do things and buy things for us. And maybe, 9 years we took her for granted. We never thought she would go so soon. Even when she got diagnosed with Stage 2 cancer, we thought she had hope. We just didn't have the money to pay for her treatment. If I did ... I would. We hoped that miracles occur. But sometimes, they just don't.

You know, as I happily live life here, comfortable, having a good night's sleep, healthy, I forgot that she's back there, suffering in pain, wondering if she would live. These moments bring us all back down to earth. We don't live forever, and while we live, we must do good. We all pray for a better tomorrow, but the question is, do we really PRAY? Or is it just empty hopes with no effort.

Now as my family grieves with her loss, anything reminds us of her. The kitchen where she used to cook, the corridor where she hanged the clothes, the washing machine, the toilet where she washed clothes by hand. Whatever she did, all that she did, was invaluable to us. The meals she cooked, I ate them every day. On nights when I got home late, she'll be there to open the door for me. When my room was in a state of total mess, she would take the time to clean it up for me. When my clothes needed patching up, she'll sew it up for me. When I was sick or down with illness, she'd be there fulfilling my requests of food or drinks. There is so much she did for us, honestly I don't remember, but I only know I truly appreciate her. All she did, honestly if I had the power, I would have given her the most pahala anyone could ever get. But I am not god. All I can do is to pray for her. And I hope you pray for her too. She will be sincerely missed as a family member, not a maid. What she's done, nobody else can.

Marilah sama-sama kami semua membaca Al-Fatihah untuk Sunarti Binte Taman. Semoga Allah mencucuri rohnya dengan rahmatNya. Semoga segala dosa-dosa yang dilakukannya dimaafkan, dan segala perbuatan baiknya dibalasi dengan pahala. Ya allah, berikanlah dia ketenangan dalam kubur dan di akirat, semoga dia termasuk dalam golongan Rasullulah yang dapat merasai kenikmatan syurga, InsyaAllah. Ya allah, semoga dia pulang kepadamu dalam keadaan yang suci dan bersih dari dosa. Ya allah, ampunkanlah segala dosa-dosanya, berikanlah dia satu tempat yang suci di akhirat nanti, InsyaAllah. Ya allah, ampunkanlah dosa-dosa yang telah dia lakukan terhadapku, dan juga dosa-dosaku terhadapnya. Amin.

Yes, yes, hell yeah. This beat is dope. I love listening to this kind of music, seriously makes me highhhhhhhhhhh. Like how can you people not like trance, techno and house. Deprivation of good music!

Anywaaaaay, today was a short day. Only had PW OP prep at 8.40 in school. All the groups presented, and Mrs Liew commented on us. Our OP slides are more or less still very bare, we have not decorated and stuff. And we all need to do our scripts! I'm doing now but honestly I don't know how I'm going to last 5 minutes, really. Thats a long time .. not. Okay, somewhat it is. But you'll be in front of a whole class of people that you don't know! Its really going to test my public speaking skills and whether I have enough balls hahahahaha. Tomorrow is another 3-hour day of school and it starts at 1025! Damn, thats late. But good, I can wake up late. :) I want to go shopping after thaaaaat. I guess I'll check out clothes at Topman and Uniqlo. I need to get berms I sweaaaaaar. I think one of these days I might go down to bugis and get some, they have really cheap berms there. I ain't looking for anything expensive anyway.

A few days back I watched Paranormal Activity 2! It was still shocking, still scary. But honestly I had a good night's rest after that because it wasn't as awesome as the original movie. We watched the 1135pm movie at Tampines Mall and by the time the movie ended, it was already 1 plus. We moved over to Macs and then lepak-ed till like 2 plus, nearing 3, and then split up and went home. It was a nice night though, we managed to discuss about the chalet and stuff. Hope it'll be a success! :)

Okay, back to doing my script for OP. Goodnight.
Vicky!

Sooooo I haven’t had lessons since 10am and I’m still in school. At first we were contemplating on whether to go for lectures, but we gave them a miss and skipped everything altogether. Then we played games! On my laptop. Fangning was unusually high today and she kept on laughing and laughing. Well, I guess thats good. Destress! Everyone is stressed due to the submission of WR. My group has handed it in, but now we have to hand in the soft copy. So I had to wait for somebody to buy a disc and pass it to me before I could burn the file onto the disc. But then another problem is that the cover page is not attached to the original page of the WR. Arrrrrrrrgh. So I have to wait for tanya to send it to me and she’s taking ages. I’m sooooo bored I’ve been stuck in school for damn long I wanna go home and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep and watch tv! I haven’t done so in a long time I swear. So caught up with WR. Good thing is, tmr onwards there’s no school! Because of OP preparation, but my group’s not meeting up so I’ll be at home the whole day. I think. Okay, I want to get this over and done with. Update later when I get home!

Vicky.

This is my desktop. Damn clean and simple, I kinda really like it.

There's this one part of me that wants to go to a poly. I mean seriously, my results suck ass. But on the other hand, I really love my class. S42 rocks ah seriously. Decisions decisions.

I’m outside the school library doing PW. Well, watching my groupmates do actually. I wanted to edit but its okay. We’re going to print our Written Report today! Wheeeeee. Finally, once we get it off our chests we only have OP to think about. Grrrr. Anyway, I got back my GP results! I topped the class for essay but my comprehension was rather disappointing. Overall for promos, I got 60/100, which is a C, if I’m not wrong. The day went by pretty slowly. I came to school late, strolled in and as usual told the security guard that I was a j2. Heheh. Came in just in time for GP and then got back those results. We did nothing else after that except for PW. After that was econs, we just went through the paper. Break after eating was spent doing PW, and during math lecture we did PW too. The sad life of a post-promo JC student. So yeah, that was basically just my day.

Now that I’ve got back all my results, I’m just awaiting my fate. I really doubt I’ll get promoted, and I really think that I’m going to leave. Honestly I still see that as the best option, seeing that my basics are really very weak. There’s no use struggling to cope with J1 stuff when I’m learning new things next year, right? My final grades are SUSUC. Nice word it makes, eh? Hahaha. But the grades are less than nice. I screwed up big time, and personally I don’t know why. I really studied, I had tuition, I even attended all lessons and lectures. I guess its just not meant to be. I hope my parents won’t disapprove of me going to poly, though. My dad’s okay with it, but my mum still wants me to stay in vj. I think its something about pride, like my image will be tarnished if I go to poly. :/ But personally, I really think its for the best. Who cares what other people say! Hahah.

Okay my laptop batt is dying, and the stupid power points don’t work here. Grrrrr. Soon I’m off to print the WR and then home! :D

Vicky.

I'm posting at 1.40am because I'm bored and I know I'll have plenty of free time in school tomorrow and I'll be sleeping in class. Hehehe. Sooooo today was nothing much. Started off the day with religious class. Went home, and then planned for the outing later on. The outing failed. BUT the somewhat lepak session was fulfilling, I should say. There was me, izack izzat, afi, wisnuh and ziyad! We met at Starbucks then went to open plaza and when we got chased out, we went over to McDonald's at the interchange. Nothing much happened, we just talked and talked and talked. Oh, and planned stuff like outings for the bros during the holidays. I'm planning the whole load with the help of all these people and I'm really looking forward to the chalet we'll have this year! I'm going to plan properly and hopefully, everything goes along smoothly. And then there's the universal studios trip. Yeah, cost might be a problem but I hope everyone saves up for these outings! So left Macs at around 11 and reached home at 12.30. Been planning stuff for the chalet since. :)

Friday was fun! Had school which was pretty slack because of all the gaming that s42 did. After prayers, I went back home and changed and went out again. Had late lunch with my friend at Food Culture and then took the MRT together and split ways because I was going to VS for training. It was my first training in months! I was damn scared that I'll be rusty and my stamina would have gone waaaaaay below normal. But I did okay I guess, my shots and passing have gone a little kaputz and my stamina is really nowhere. After training, went straight back home with juniors who had their night study. On Saturday I woke up late in the afternoon, kinda really tired. Training hangover hahaha. I usually need plenty of time for my recovery sleep but my dad woke me up, and I was still pretty groggy and my body was aching real bad. Just to go for Syakir's sister's wedding. The wedding was awesome though, really awesome atmosphere and the food was really great. Oh and not to mention the number of hot girls there, it got me high. I should attend more weddings in the future. ;) Afterwards, went home and slept! Wooooooooooooo sleep is my bestest friend ever. (Y) I wanted to go out at night to lepak, but nobody responded. :( But ohwell, just spent time with Tubby. She's so cute! She won't sleep at night unless I'm lying down in bed next to her. Everyone say awwwwwwwwwwww.

Tomorrow I'm getting back my GP results! This paper determines whether I stay in vj. *shivers* Well, life's like that. I have half my heart hoping that I'll pass, the other half hoping that I'll fail so that I can go to poly. Hahaha damn attitude but I seriously think its a better choice for me. Better be getting some sleep now! Goodnight. :)
Vicky.

This sucks.

We got back our results today, and I was more or less devastated and my mood to do anything for the entire day was gone. The day started off okay, with the real sex education talk. Nothing new, basically it was all about STIs. Afterwards had math and we didn't get back our results. Yet. After that was physics, and got back my paper. Okay, I did improve but I still failed. :/ After that had physics lecture and then chemistry lecture. Got back our papers during chemistry and surprise surprise, I failed too. Even after dropping to H1, gosh how stupid can I get? I guess I was never meant to do chemistry ever. Now, I'm waiting for my other 3 papers. Econs, GP and Math.

I'm scared I'll fail everything. Just let me pass GP, please. I'll be at least relatively happy because GP is my strongest subject? Haha. God, this really sucks. And to think that I actually studied for promos, like a lot. Tried to cover everything back and despite the setbacks like me falling sick, I thought I was okay. Ah.. Thats all dead and gone now. If my results are really bad, then I should really go to poly. I don't want to have these results all the way. I mean seriously, if its only one S or one U, I can work to improve. But all fail? Nah, I really won't take my chances. :/

Okay lets talk about other stuff. Yesterday we had this relationship workshop conducted by the Adam Khoo company. Our speaker was a guy named Leroy, and he was downright amazing. The 4 hours that we were supposed to sit through was actually a wonderful experience and I listened to every bit of it. He's really an engaging speaker and his story at the end of the workshop about his "brothers" really made an impact to me. I understand his grief and pain, because I myself have a band of brothers that I hold close to heart. Appreciate and tell them you love them every day, if not at least every week.


She's grown bigger now and more active. Runs around a lot! She's now on wet foods too, so I don't have to give her food often. She's jumping, running and hiding everywhere. Cute girl, my little Tubby. Hahah. :)
Vicky!

Hi, I know this post is a little delayed but better late than never, right? Anyway let me get it out of my system.
HELL YEAH PROMOS IS OVER!
Now that's done, back to the post. My promos officially ended on monday, after physics paper. Oh, the sweet-smelling taste of freedom. Been waiting SO long. The steps I had to take, the obstacles I had to overcome to get to this freedom.. were HUGE. So the feeling that its finally ended is good. I mean, hey, there's a possibility I have to take R papers but I'm just glad I got over this. Still considering the other route though. It all depends on my results, but my gut feeling tells me I'm probably gonna go down that path. Heh.

Soooooo Monday after the paper, I went out with the classmates to lunch at Parkway Swensen's. I did my usual mischievous thing at Swensen's which only my classmates know of. Hahaha. We ate and talked and crapped around and Jonathan was being his usual bastard self. So after waiting for David to finish up his meal (he's apparently a slow eater and a big talker HAHAHAHA kidding), we went over to play LAN! Omg what happened to me since when do I play LAN. O-O But it was fun. We started out with CS, then with L4D2 and at last, we played this nice little game called Team Fortress. It was a cute game. So after 3 hours plus of playing, we decided to call it a day and go home. Though the most memorable thing about this LAN session was Samuel continually shouting at Martin to do stuff. Martin did his "okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" in the frustrated vietnamese accent. Afterwards we went to Macs, then I went back home. And then .. I went on a HIMYM marathon. I got hooked! Finished up the first season that day itself. Yeah, crazy huh. Hahaha.

Tuesday was basically a lazy day. I woke up at 12, watched 2 episodes of HIMYM and then went back to sleep and woke up at 5. PIG! But I bathed then went out to Simei to get Tubby's food and then ate at Banquet where I met Syafa'at and Wak Mar. Ate with them and then went off to Tampines where I met my friend and stayed there til 10 plus doing nothing much, and then walked her home. Stayed up til about 4 watching HIMYM again hahaha I told you I'm hooked! Today was more relaxed. Woke up at 10, and I was supposed to meet my PW group at parkway but I had to take care of my sick brother til my dad came home to bring him to the doctors, then I rushed out to meet them. But sadly, it was lunchtime and also wednesday, meaning contact time for all schools meaning they all ended early. So traffic was horrendous and when I arrived at parkway, I met them for a minute and then we were off. Damn. Got KOI after that with David, Khad and Tanya, then split up ways. I went over to parkway to get some milk for tubby since her's was finished, and then I went to Aibi to check out dumb bells, then to Harvey Norman and Best Denki to see computers. After that, I went home. Met Zakiah on the bus, talked about MCS stuff and yeah basically just went home.

I'm bored. I wanted to go watch a movie but resident evil is not showing tonight wadafaaaaaaaak? hahaha. I want to go out tmr too, but I have to take care of my little brother. Again. Sucks no having a maid, and having a brother who doesn't know how to take care of himself yet. Haha but then again, I have to be a good older brother. :D I just wanna go OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Soon I'll be back in realityland and preparing for OP. God, that really sucks. But wish me luck! Now, I'm back to my HIMYM marathon. Told you I'm hooked.
Vicky!

I'm not going to lie, I have to admit the fact that I'm overly stressed right now and there are really so many thoughts going on in my head. So much has happened in this week. Just this week alone. Yesterday, saturday, was a day I thought I really could study and relax. Get the stress out of my system, if you get what I mean.

But as it goes, god has other plans. Yesterday alone I was hit with a double whammy. If I count the other one in, a triple whammy. I really wonder - what have I done to deserve this? Me and my dad went out at 12am to get a drink. Two troubled men, talking things out. I told him about the fact that I really didn't think I could survive in jc and I wanted to go SP. He seemed okay with it, he just asked me to study really hard so that I could get into a university. And then we talked about other stuff - his problems. Frankly I'm disappointed too. I doubt people's sanity now, people who are so close to me. Why is that side of the family so screwed up? My dad's family is to me, the greatest one to have. We rarely fight and we really work together to achieve success in events. But ... Ah, this blog is too public to talk about it here. I just cannot stand what's happening, especially what happened last night with dad. I understand having no maid can lead to stress, but to do all those ... Gosh I really doubt your sanity. And I'm not talking about my dad. I had to intervene and say what I had to say. After that I just went out to get some fresh air and to clear out my tear ducts. Fuck.

I was hoping for 2010 to be a good year, a good start to the new decade. But its been bad. Really bad. Everything has basically gone downhill, and just when I thought I was at the foot of the hill, I rolled down another mountain. The scratches, bumps and bruises I get are okay, but the feeling in my heart that I can't stop myself from rolling down is the one that breaks me down. I have walls built around my heart, I consider myself emotionally strong. But break down those walls, I'm as vulnerable as a newborn baby. Giving up was never in my dictionary, so I'll persevere. But sometime you just have take detours in life. I'm going to stay strong. Pray for me, I need it. To all those out there who feel my way, Imma give you a hi-5 and then lets continue working hard in life. The last thing we need is to stay where we are because a certain part of life has failed on you. Vires Quod Animus, is strength and bravery. We need to have that and continue with life. Nil Sine Labore, nothing without labour. We need to work hard, persevere and brush aside the difficult times because nothing can be achieved without hard work.

Now, back to physics.
Vicky.

Today was math paper. I should say it was manageable! But then again in my life, nothing ever goes according to plan. Hahaha. Three hours long, I still cannot tahan the length. I fell asleep like halfway through the paper so I went to the toilet to wash my face. Lucky I have tuition, if not I'll be more than screwed. I'm hoping for at least an S? :/

After the paper, ate at the canteen with S42. Or rather, 5 people of S42. When I went to buy food, the auntie greeted me with "Hi handsome.". I was shocked and laughed the whole way hahahahaha. Ate, slacked around a little bit then walked to the mosque for Friday prayers. The khutbah today was pretty good, I didn't fall asleep. After prayers, took 31 home and at Tampines Interchange, I saw my sister and her 18 friends who were out for jalan raya. They all took 292 and it looked like a frickin school bus lol. I decided to walk home and I reached  home faster than them. They disturbed Tubby while they were at my house! :( The little kid was hungry and kept mewing so I had to claim her back from them to give her milk. They left around 4, so the house was a little quieter. She finally got her sleep and I got mine too. ^^ My sister was being annoying and said loudly in my room "Eh tubby is asleep!". AND TUBBY WOKE UP BECAUSE OF THAT. It was hard trying to make her go to sleep grrr.

On another note, YOU. I'm fucking disappointed in you. We stayed with you til late at night, advising you because we were worried about you. Genuinely worried. We knew it's best for you, what would make you happier in the long run. We gave you that advice, that support, that guidance as true brothers because we didn't want to see you suffering any more. We tried, but you fucking disappointed us. Mark my words, it will happen again. And we won't be there for you because we tried and failed because of your stubborn attitude. This thing about love, this is bullshit. You can, could, would have got over her. But you choose to follow your heart. And you know sometimes your heart is wrong. We're telling you it is now. Wake the fuck up. Sorry for the foul language, but you need it and I need to vent my frustrations.

Vicky!